50 First Dates

The road to my sexual awakening was a varied one, starting with a lot of first (and sometimes only) dates. There was Jay, the silver haired adventure tour guide from Napa who called me the day after our first date to "ask me out" again - we met at a clandestine hotel in American Canyon and he encouraged me to sit on his face while he gave me the best head I've ever had in my life.

Then there was Connie. During our first date, I asked him to tell me five weird or unusual things about himself. I started with my standard icebreaker list : I don't eat bananas, I never graduated from high school, I hate flip flops, etc. He saw fit to start with, "I spent time in prison". Connie is my nickname for ex-convict.
Now, to the average lady, this would have been the perfect time to excuse herself to the bathroom and burn rubber out of there. To me, this tall, handsome, boyish yet rugged looking stranger went from a solid 9 to a full on Spinal Tap 11.

We talked for hours in that Berkeley restaurant, he told me about his stints in Corcoran and San Quentin, working on the forestry detail because of good behavior, the great things you can find sorting in the recycling center, the meth addiction and car theft that made him end up in jail. I was spellbound. As we walked around Berkeley after dinner, he asked if he could come home with me. Up until that point, I dialed *67 before every call (so these guys couldn't see my number), met up in hotels because I didn't want them to know where I lived, had phone buddies who I'd call or text at a specific time to let them know I was ok, etc. I was super protective. For some reason, my intuition told me that Connie was a sweet, gentle soul, that he would be ok. I said yes, but not before telling him that I would "fucking kill him if he tried any shit with me". He assured me that he wouldn't, and I made him give me a 15 minute head start as I raced home to *prepare* for the second part of my evening. He fucked me as if he'd just gotten out of jail that afternoon - wowee. He had a lot of energy. I could tell that we were doomed when, as we basked in the afterglow, making small talk and listening to music, he begged me to "Change this song. Please, put on anything else!" It was XTC's 1000 Umbrellas, one of my favorites. I knew we were not meant to be.

Cut to Jack, the confirmed bachelor who assured me there was zero possibility of any type of ongoing relationship, that he was only interested in the very occassional hook up. Perfect, right? I went to breakfast with him and his totally cute 4 year old son, went on many dog walks, had many phone conversations - this all took place before we ever had sex. When we finally did get around to doing it, he took off his clothes to reveal Homer Simpson boxer shorts. Again, it's the little things that can kill potential. I knew that I definitely had to end it when he tried to stash three bars of Irish Spring and a toothbrush in my bathroom -  "you know, for next time".

When I was 31, I entered in to a long term relationship with a man who I thought was The One - he was handsome, kind, smart (a math teacher), plus I felt like I'd hit the sexual lottery. By the fourth month of dating, we were in couples counseling. About a year later he proposed to me, teary eyed and on bended knee, at a winery in Napa Valley - I said yes, because I didn't know how to say no in that situation. My only comfort was that I knew the wedding would never actually happen. I didn't know, however, that when we had sex in our hotel room that night,  it would be the last time for two + years...

A sexless relationship is a soul crusher. Add on top of that a partner that blames you, calls you needy and clingy, labels you as having an "anger problem", constantly points the finger at you for everything that is wrong in the relationship and you can see how a girl would emerge a bit twisted.

It took a long time to get on my feet. As I look back on it, I compare my relationship with M to a slingshot - when I was with him, I was pulled way back in the sling. Once we broke up, once I was free - the sling was let go, and I've been on this forward trajectory, arcing and reaching heights, both personally and professionally, that I never could have achieved while with him. Although I label that period of my life as one of the darkest, I am grateful for it - it gives me a very clear vision of what I do not want to ever experience again.

Last November, I responded to an ad on Craigslist of a guy (I'll call him George) who was looking for a fuck buddy - he described himself as tatooed, alternative, a working class full time dad who was looking for a no strings attached bang on a regular basis. As we first began to communicate, I found that we hit it off - we actually worked at the same school, but at different times (small world, huh?), had similar interests - it was a good start. We met first near the Sutro Baths (which, incidentally, was the first time I'd seen them despite having lived here for 21 years), then we met for dinner at an Ethiopian restaurant in Oakland. The day before we met up, he'd jokingly asked me in an email if he should bring a change of clothes with him for work the next day. I said no - that he could come over and fuck me, but he couldn't spend the night because I wasn't a whore. It was at that moment I knew that the A that had been lost was now found. I got my mojo back.

George was the perfect segue for me - he was attentive and appreciative and made me feel sexy, he made me feel like having sex, he helped me remember how much I like sex and how seductive and sultry I can be. That I am not needy or clingy, but, in fact, independent and self assured. Confident, even. He and I were regular fuck buddies until January 24, 2011, when I went on that fateful first date with S. Having learned my lesson from the past, I recognized that George was not *exactly* what I wanted, he was more of a means to an end. My intuition told me to break it off with him, and see where things would go with S. As it so often is, my intuition was right.

Next: Coming Out Of The Closet

It's A Cinch

I have a complicated relationship with my body. Some days I know I have it going on - I love my cleavage, I put on my lowest cut, most fitted dress, I accentuate my hourglass figure and strut around with my head held high. Other days, I wear my loosest gym clothes and beat myself up for not sticking with the (fill in the blank) diet I started last year/last month/yesterday.

I still like to feel sexy, and I really, really like to dress up for S (and myself). I love wearing thigh highs, but I only had two pathetic, boring little black lace garter belts to hold them up with. Not only were they boring, but they didn't give me the *coverage* I needed in order to let myself go and feel really sexy. No matter how great I feel about myself, I really hate my lower stomach, and I will go to great lengths to camouflage it.

I decided to visit a local lingerie shop called Foxy Lady to find a new garter. I knew about it from years back - my friends who were strippers would get their costumes there, and I knew it was a trans-friendly store, so they would likely stock *non traditional* sizes. The ladies there were really helpful, but I like to browse on my own. I looked and looked and then I found the item that would change my life forever - The Rago Waist Cincher!



OMG - this entire look is hot! Available at Hips and Curves.


It has a totally retro-50s feel, and is insanely sexy while giving me the coverage I need. I loved the black one so much that I also ordered it in black and pink:

I wore the black one for S and as he fucked me from behind one night he said, "Your waist is so tiny...and your ass is so big! This is wonderful". Ahhh, memories. That was a really great night. And a great boost for my body image-esteem. I'd never heard "your ass is so big" used in such a positive context before.

It occurred to me that evening that if I could achieve such accentuating with a relatively flexible garment, imagine the curves I'd get with a proper corset? I searched online, and although there are lots of options out there, I had a few requirements: I wanted it fast, so I needed a ready-to-wear piece; I wanted it to really pull my waist in, so I didn't want a flimsy one and lastly; I needed it to be under $100. Seems impossible, right? Its totally not - introducing Orchard Corset! They sell fantastic, authentic, well made corsets for a song. My first was this emerald green number:

$79 at Orchard Corset

The fun part about ordering corsets (for me) is that you order the size you want to be, not the size you actually are. The idea is to cinch in really tight, so you measure the narrowest part of your waist in inches, and that's what you order. So, I take an 18/20 in a dress, but I am a 36 in corset size.

I never thought I'd be able to wear a corset, but I proved myself wrong. I love the exaggerated curves I can achieve with a corset, and although it takes some getting used to (until its broken in, it kinda feels like you're walking around in a body cast), the effects are well worth the effort. The nice thing about this corset in particular is that you can order metal garters to go with it, and its a 'longline' style. Which means extra stomach coverage ; ) I thought S was going to lose it when I unveiled this ensemble. This is one of the outfits he talked about for days afterwards. I recommend it!!

http://www.hipsandcurves.com/

http://www.orchardcorset.com/

http://www.foxyladyboutique.com/

London Calling

Hi Everyone -

Its been awhile since I last posted - I've been in London for the past week and a half! It was great - I saw all of the touristy sight seeing things and I also did some *field research* for Thursday Afternoons. I have lots to report about the fantastic lingerie I found, but first I have to tell you all about an amazing clothes store I stumbled upon my last day there - Collectif.

T and I were walking along, looking for a cafe with internet access so we could check in for our flights the next day, when a rack of gorgeous A-line dresses caught my eye. At this point, I was used to disappointment - the clothes sizes in the UK are 2 sizes smaller than the US, and most stores only went up to a UK18 (size 16 US), which was totally out of my range (I am an 18/20 US). There was one plus size shop, Evans, which was as billowy/ruffly/long/unwearable/dowdy as our very own Lane Bryant. So, imagine my surprise when I found a UK22 on the rack, in this gorgeous style, on sale for just 20 pounds (approx. $31.52 USD):



Regina Doll Dress

 This style of dress suits me perfectly - nipped in waist and flared skirt. I loved it!! Its made with a super soft, matte satin - finish cotton (broadcloth?), and was just so very very lovely. My only critique of this style is that it was cut a bit small across the chest - it squooshed my boobs in too much to wear with a push up bra, but I think it will be perfect with a minimizer (I am a 42DD). I also bought this style in the cherry print, and tried on the leopard print, although I didn't get it.

I tried on a bunch more styles of dresses, and I finally settled on this blue polka dot winner:



Dolores Doll Dress

So cute! It is more generously cut across the chest, and was just so very very cute! In the store they were on sale for 35 pounds (approx. $55.19 USD). I also bought it in solid red.
I really loved the button front dresses, but again, they were a little too tight across the chest. They were so great, though - I might still order them online and wear a sports bra with them!! Some of my other favorites were:




Ahoy Sailor Jersey Jacket




Betsy Coat Leo

 I am so psyched to have found this company. Even with the exchange rate and shipping, these clothes are a steal - buy yourself something today. You'll be glad you did!

Camo

S. really likes my ass, so I try to find lingerie that highlights that part of my anatomy. There are a lot of really, really cute pieces out there if you're a size 6, but if you're not, then the job becomes infinitely harder. Actually, there are a lot of cheap, flimsy garters for plus size gals on the market, but I need my garter belts to serve two purposes: One, to hold up my stockings, and two, to camouflage my lower stomach area, referred to in the vernacular as a gunt. I've got one. I don't like it, but I have learned to live with it...

I was super psyched to discover Lingerie NYC, based in Brooklyn - they don't have a ton of choices, but they did have this standout

Ugh! It is SO HOT! Its made of a stretchy material, which makes it super duper comfortable, and it has six garter straps, which makes it super sexy. Its a wide garter, so it hides my lower stomach, and its not tight, so it doesn't create any unwanted bulges. Not to mention the buckles across the butt  - it is ridiculously sexy! I couldn't stop looking at my ass in the mirror when I had it on. The only drawback is that the straps are very short, and if you have wide thighs like I do, the stocking choices become extremely limited. I have two suggestions: as pictured, the Berkshire Wide Lace Top stockings (get the back seam kind!!) run long, and if you don't mind a bit of muffin top around your thighs then these are a super sexy choice. Both the garter belt and stockings are available for sale at Lingerie NYC.

If you're not feeling the muffin top thigh thing, I recommend these Topless Fishnet Stockings from Sock Dreams. These don't have a band at the top, so you can pull them up really high and they totally conform to your leg  without any pinching/denting. They have a reinforced toe, which I love, they come in a bunch of colors, and what's best - they're $5.00 a pair, and Sock Dreams offers free (and fast!) shipping. Wowee.

S. often says that the ensemble I'm wearing on a given night is "the best one ever". Actutally, he has said that every single time, for every single outfit I've ever worn. When he continued to talk about this strappy-butt garter/fishnet combo for days after I wore it, I knew I'd stumbled upon an instant classic.

Next - waist cinchers and corsets

Second Time Around

On our first date, I met S. in San Leandro and he took me to a little divey burger place in the middle of nowhere. I wasn't sure if he was going to make a move or not, but I dressed for the occassion, just in case ; ) I wore The Dealmaker dress, the plunge bra from Lane Bryant (which makes my 42DD boobs look amazing) and these super cute garter panties I bought on sale at Torrid. Tragically, they are no longer for sale on their website, but trust me, they were hot! Purple and black lace with black garters holding up the fishnet thigh highs I wore with my go-to Miz Mooz black boots.

The panties were a hit (as we walked back to our cars, I pulled up the side of my dress to show him my garter and it was on!), but logistically, they were a bit difficult. As I learned that night, S. likes to pull my panties down - when they're connected to your stockings, however, things get complicated. We had fun figuring it out...

For our second date, I decided to bring out the big guns - I wore my Catholic schoolgirl outfit. I have an authentic plaid schoolgirl skirt, which I wore with a short sleeved white blouse, that Lane Bryant plunge bra (I buttoned the shirt so most of my bra was showing), white cotton panties (the Hanes kind you get in a six pack at Target) and these fantastic white garter stockings with Converse. Garter stockings are great for when you want the garter look, but are either to lazy to hook stockings properly, or, in the case of my schoolgirl outfit, don't want another constricting layer. My skirt was intended for a high school student, waist size 34, meant to be worn somewhere around the navel? I had to wear it up around my waist to get it to zip up, and even then it was a bit of a struggle. The good thing about wearing it up that high is that it made the skirt super short, so S. could easily see the tops of my stockings and my pristine white panties as I walked around. He loved it. It was a fantastic night.

It can be really difficult to find an authentic schoolgirl skirt, and if you do a Google search for plaid skirts you're going to come up with some pretty horrific below the knee styles that nuns wouldn't even wear. I recommend trying http://www.sexyschoolgirlskirts.com/. They have skirts in all different colors and sizes (I wear an 18/20 dress, and bought a plus size 4 - it is maybe a skosh big, but the nice thing is that they're a wraparound style and have a 4 inch velcro closure, so there's room for adjustment. Plus, the velcro insures easy removal.) They ship really fast, too! Highly recommended.

Introduction

In January of 2011, I decided to ask the universe (in the form of Craigslist) for exactly what I wanted in a man: an older, mountain man-type guy with strength of character and a strong libido. I received many responses, and dated a few nice men, but one in particular captured my attention: S.

Over the past few months, S. and I have developed the most sexually adventurous, most simpatico and sensual relationship I have ever had. I've discovered things about myself and my sexuality that I never knew before. I'd like to share some of those revelations with you.

There's a dress that I wore on every first date I had - I call it The Dealmaker, because whenever I wore it, 9 times out of 10, I got a second date ; ). The dress is the Tory Cinch by Kiyonna, and it is a miracle. It drapes beautifully, shows the perfect amount of cleavage, and is just a super flattering dress. I highly recommend it!